Emma's Diary: 2 years into motherhood, how have I changed?

Partnering with Emma’s Diary has helped me reach so many prospective parents, newborn mums and toddler handlers – I love hearing your feedback and support, thank you! Working with this platform is one of my proudest writing achievements and I love having the opportunity to tackle controversial subjects. Today I’m reflecting on how I’ve changed – for better and for worse, two years into my parenting journey. Thank you Emma’s Diary for giving me this platform to share my innermost thoughts.

Wow, where did that 2 years go? I feel as if I’ve blinked and I’ve now got a two-year-old toddler on my hands.

People were right when they told me to make the most of it because time flies. Newborn snuggles feel like yesterday, while also feel like a lifetime ago. Sleepless nights are, thankfully, a thing of the past – though we still get a few wake-ups.

So, with two years of motherhood now under my belt, I wanted to share how, if at all, I’ve changed.

Two years ago: starting my parenting journey…

Naive and hopeful are the two words I’d choose to describe myself while heavily pregnant. Of course, I did the NCT courses, the meet-ups, and the antenatal stuff. But I still ended up having no clue what to do.

At the time this was terrifying and put me on shaky ground. Now, with two years of reflection, I know that it’s simply what everyone feels when they bring their brand-new baby home.

Motherhood (and fatherhood) is like a special club. You can’t understand it until you’ve had your ticket punched and you’re in the door. Pre-entry, you can muse about raising your hypothetical children and make strong arguments against certain controversial subjects.

Once you’ve got a foot in the door, it’s all change.

Newborn days were not my favourite part of parenting. I feel no shame in admitting that I struggled those first few weeks with surgery to recover from, a very hungry baby and the not knowing and uncertainty.

I felt like I wasn’t very good from day one. At the time it all felt a bit scary and as if I should know and have all the answers.

Two years later, I’m much kinder to myself. I want to go back in time and cuddle that old version of me. We can’t possibly feel anything other than overwhelmed right at the start. Of course, there’s so much love and it’s amazing but it’s also relentless, tiring and a world of change.

Hitting milestones

I am a writer in my real-life job. I read a lot because of that. When it comes to motherhood and my baby, I read a lot. Most of the time this is helpful but sometimes it can be a hindrance. There is such a thing as too much information.

Once Jack grew out of the newborn phase, I could feel myself relaxing into my new role and things happily slipped into place.

When he started smiling at me at 8 weeks, I thought to myself: “This will be fine”.

When it came to him hitting his milestones, I always turned to Emma’s Diary baby milestone guide. I knew that all babies grew and developed at their own pace but the guides were like a helpful bible each month.

From day one, Jack has been quite a happy little dude with lots of personality. I’d say he hit most of his major milestones on time in the first year.