Emma’s Diary: Please stop asking mums when they’ll have another baby!

Partnering with Emma’s Diary has helped me reach so many prospective parents, newborn mums and toddler handlers – I love hearing your feedback and support, thank you! Working with this platform is one of my proudest writing achievements and I love having the opportunity to tackle controversial subjects. I’ve covered lots of subjects but one that always comes up is: unsolicited advice and how to handle it. Today’s post is all about one of the questions we *don’t* want to be asked as Mothers.

Motherhood is a wild ride. It’s filled with moments of pure love coupled with moments of pure exhaustion. It’s both fleeting and slow-going at times. 

I am into a new era of motherhood: mother to a toddler. Let me tell you, toddlers are a wild breed. My little boy has never been one for sitting still or being quiet but as a two-year-old is sure is wild. 

But, if we ever feel like the juggle of motherhood, mum guilt, and trying to have it all wasn’t enough – we’re also constantly asked unhelpful questions. The one I feel like I’m asked a lot recently is: 

“When are you going to have another one?” 

Stop asking mums this! 

It certainly feels like my child has turned 2 and I’ve had an influx of questions. 

Sometimes this question comes from well-meaning family members. Often it comes from strangers who love to give me unsolicited advice on my parenting. A lot of time it comes from people making a comment about Jack being spoilt, not being able to share me, and how our “time is running out”. 

My patience around this question started as generous. The more times the question is asked or comments are made, I feel my patience getting thinner and thinner. 

Well-meaning comments

Don’t get me wrong, the well-meaning comments and wonderful anecdotes about growing families are lovely. I love nothing more than hearing stories about siblings and babies and toddlers together. Coming from a big family, it was always my dream to have more than one child. 

I find that it’s often people who’ve been in my shoes who are the kindest and less-probing. 

They are simply asking a question with zero judgment or advice. They are curious and inquisitive without being nosy or rude. 

Secondary Infertility 

I recently put a post out, here on the Emma’s Diary blog, themed on trying for baby number 2. It was a hugely popular post and the comments on social media blew my mind – but also opened my mind. 

The majority of comments on the post talked about secondary infertility and how trying for a second wasn’t a luxury but something that caused pain and required patience. 

Some of the commenters wrote that it had taken them over six years to fall pregnant for the second time. 

Many of the comments were bright and cheerful but you could feel the tension from being asked questions about baby number 2.

You never know what someone is going through behind closed doors. What we portray when we’re out and about with our children, on social media and in the seconds you see us is exactly that – a snippet of our day. 

Be kind 

As women and mothers, we’re already shouldering a lot. There’s not a night that I don’t question:

• Did we do enough today?
• Is he hitting his milestones and am I a hindrance more than a help?
• Could I have been better today?
• Did I shout and lose my cool too much? 

READ THE FULL ARTICLE ON THE EMMA’S DIARY BLOG HERE

LoveRosiee
xxx

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For all of my posts on Emma’s Diary, click here.

People Also Ask…

Is it inappropriate to ask someone if they’re pregnant?

Point is – no matter how nicely you ask, unless you have an established conversational connection with the nature of someone’s uterus, there’s no need to go way, way over the line and ask if they’re pregnant as a topic of casual conversation. In return, we won’t ask when you last ejaculated in an effort to procreate.

How to respond when someone asks when you are going to have a baby?

Depending on the person and the day, we may feel anger, frustration, sadness, or uncertainty. Whether the question is expected or it comes as a complete surprise, it’s helpful to think ahead about how we might respond. If you have a partner, it’s also important that you present a united front and are on the same page with what you share and with whom.

How does Emma’s Diary work?

The Emma’s Diary App is available for free to all pregnant women and new parents, providing medical information and support, written in collaboration with healthcare professionals, serving women until their child reaches the age of two.

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