Emma’s Diary Feature: The Juxtaposition Of Motherhood

Today’s blog post is another featured writing piece from Emma’s Diary.

I’ve never known a feeling like it – being a mum is the most incredible, amazing and fulfilling thing I’ve ever done but that doesn’t mean that it’s not also the toughest, hardest and most emotional job I’ve ever had.

Social media and celebrities will have you believe that motherhood is all lovely lunches, snoozy cuddles on the sofa, bouncing back, glamorous days out and full night’s sleep. I was guilty of feeling less than adequate in the early days (and still now, often, ten months in) when I’d swipe through Instagram and see glossy images of mums who seem to have it all down while my little baby screamed his head off.

Motherhood can, and should, unite us mums.

Since welcoming my little Jack into the world, I have met, chatted and connected to so many parents and I’ve been slowly but surely building up an army of friends and allies whom I can depend on when days are good and bad.

One thing we can all agree on is that Motherhood is the epitome of juxtaposition.

My Own Juxtapositions of Motherhood

When Jack was first born I felt so jealous of my previous life and the freedoms I had.

I wanted to be with my baby and bond but I desperately wanted to see the old me in the mirror. Being at home and cuddling was lovely and exactly where my heart lived but I would have given anything to jump in a time machine and be a teenager riding my bike around my neighborhood with my little sister.

My mothering instinct was kicking in by the day and all I wanted to do was be with my baby, cuddle him all day long and look after him – I also, fleetingly, wanted to run for the hills.

Jack was born via emergency C-section and it’s safe to say I was more than just a little battered and bruised by it – physically and mentally. That added another level to my inner turmoil and feelings and made things swirl even more confusingly.

Night times with a newborn are tough, there’s no two ways about it. I’d walk up the stairs towards my bedroom, baby in arms, hobbling in pain, physically psyching myself up for a long night. I’d be in the bathroom brushing my teeth, looking at myself in the mirror and giving myself a pep talk. I so desperately wanted to be able to do it all and be the most natural mummy to my boy, but I also needed sleep.

I was so overtired I would have killed for a night off – but I couldn’t possibly let anyone else do bedtime.

My husband always did bath time with Jack to give me half an hour of peace but I’d spend my precious free time pouring over them and taking photos.

Showering was (and still is some days) a luxury, my hair is greasy, I feel horrible and dirty but I don’t want to ask for help.

Sleep Regressions & The Trials of Motherhood

Just when things start to settle down, sleep regressions come along. My baby went from substantial chunks of sleep to waking every 45 minutes day and night for a month. It was ROUGH.

And, with each new challenge came new feelings of being internally torn.

Every smile that Jack now gave me filled my heart with soaring joy but I missed my life before.

Each milestone that he hid well within his stride had me beaming but also had me wondering what happened to my life.

The public meltdowns had me cuddling him so tight in an attempt to hug myself better. Countless walks with my snoozing baby and podcast blasting in my ears were filled with my own tears and fears: wondering if what I’m doing is right!?

For every high there was a low.

The highs are incredibly high, sky rocketing, out of this world high you want to stay in the moment forever. The lows are just as low and you want anything to help them pass quickly and painlessly.

The Love of Motherhood

The beauty is, this IS motherhood. It’s not only a full-time job, it’s a 24 hours a day, seven days a week, rest of your life kind of job. It’s relentless, it’s full on and it’s more than I could ever dream of.

Being Jack’s mum is the best, and hardest, job I’ve ever had. It’s the job I was put on this planet to do. He’s a part of me, integrally and wholly. He is my whole world, the center of my universe, my purpose, my everything.

It’s still a constant push and pull, every single day. But it is less scary, less tiresome.

LoveRosiee
xxx

Find all of my Emma’s Diary posts here

People Also Ask:

Do you have to pay for Emma’s Diary?

Emma’s Diary both online and the app are absolutely free for all expectant mums, new mums and parents.

How can you describe motherhood?

Motherhood is a different journey for all because all babies are different. However, I think we can agree that motherhood is full of ups and downs – sometimes within the space of a few hours. My wish with this blog post in collaboration with Emma’s Diary is to unite mums of all children in the juxtaposition of motherhood.

Is LoveRosiee a Mummy blogger?

LoveRosiee began as a lifestyle, beauty and fashion blog. It is a slice of life blog with and naturalistic feel that follows my life. My first baby, Jack, has now turned one and my blog follows my new journey into motherhood. So yes, LoveRosiee is now pivoting more into parenting tips and mum blogging.

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